Life, love & change

So far, my plan of writing regular blog posts is not going well. I just completely forgot this was a thing I was going to do. Anyway, I remembered today.

Let me say first of all: Canada was awesome! I could write a whole post about Canada and the amazing, wonderful time I had there. But that would make me miss it even more, if that were even possible. Anyway, it's not Canada that I have on my mind right now, even though it has been ever since I left nearly 2 weeks ago. I bet you're all wondering what's new in my life, apart from the fact I have been across the pond. Well sad to say, not much. I'm still reading Mockingjay. Like the other 2 books in the series, it's taken me a while to get into. I wasn't expecting much to begin with, as I was warned that it was not as good as The Hunger Games. Still enjoying it though and am very much attached to the characters and their various outcomes.

So I've been thinking about my past a lot recently. I am such a nostalgic person and often have these strong nostalgic outbursts, sometimes ending up sobbing into my pillow about how everything's "changed". I used to hate change. No, I used to detest it. But now I see it as a good thing. I'm learning to embrace change even more now, and looking into myself constantly and into my future and maybe even seeking out change. Change IS good.

For a long time now, I've struggled with depression, social anxiety and a huge lack of self confidence. It took me ages to admit this to myself, and although things are beginning to look up, like everyone else, I still have my dark days. Recently I've been thinking about past relationships and feeling particularly miserable about how long I've been single for. It wasn't until last week after a boozy lunch with some close friends that I realised something quite astonishing: It's OK to be single, and even better, it's OK to be miserable about it. I often find myself trying desperately to ignore my feelings but a friend of mine reassured me that I was allowed to be nostalgic and talk about the past, not matter how long ago it was. Now I'm a good listener and usually not much of a talker, but sometimes, getting stuff off my chest and out in the open can do me a world of good. It felt wonderful to share all these thoughts and feelings that I had kept locked up inside me for a long time. I just wish that I had the courage and the confidence to do this more often.

After a few shared relationship stories and tips on flirting with men, our boozy lunch turned into a rather long but enjoyable evening out as well. I can honestly say I had a more positive outlook on life and love after this day. Unlike many of my peers, I'm in no rush to find love or settle down or anything. I'm still not entirely happy being single, but I'm not un-happy either. After all, love comes when you least expect it. And more importantly, you have to learn to love yourself before anyone else will love you. On that note, I must love you and leave you.

Much love x

Days since Canada: 12 :(