Introvert/Extrovert

Two blog posts in two days? It's almost like I'm prepping for NaNoWriMo or something...

I've always been an introvert. I get my energy from being on my own and recharge from it. Social gatherings stress me out. If you're an introvert too, you'll get it. If not, then you'll just have to imagine. I've always been shy and not at all confident. Over the years, I've obviously learned to be more self assured but I'll never get rid of my introverted personality. I'm a good listener, but not much of a talker. I can take it things about the world and about people because I notice more. Because I'm not always doing a lot of speaking.

I've got some extrovert friends and we'll always have different personalities but we still get on fine. Most of my closest friends are like me though: quieter, not as outspoken and more calm and collected. Both sides have their pros and cons. Extroverts have it easier in life when it comes to meeting new people, job interviews and being successful. That's my opinion anyway. On the extreme end of the scale, they are more arrogant and less caring of others.

Us introverts find those situations a little more trickier. Parties are not quite as fun when you don't put yourself out there as much. Even when I see friends I've not seen for ages, I still have to have a little breather afterwards. Just to clear my head and charge my batteries again. It's not their fault. It's not mine either. It's just the way the world works.

The universe is a strange place, made up of more personalities and traits than one could ever imagine or begin to think about. I'm just glad we can all coexist together in this big, funny world. You can't always judge a book by its cover and that goes for people too. Learn what makes a person tick and how things affect them and when you meet someone new, maybe you can pick up on their point of view and accept them for who they are.

Halloween

(DISCLAIMER: a lot of these stories are from when I was quite young and so if you read this, it may seem like a really childish piece of writing. I think it's because I'm remembering them as me as a child would have remembered them and not as an adult and so I don't have an adult's memory for those particular stories. This probably won't make any sense. Ok read on...)

Most people who know me know that I'm a big fan of Halloween. I know it's a stretch, but I almost prefer it more than Christmas. It's part of me. For some reason, it's part of who I am. There's a lot to say about my history with this strange, American holiday but I think I'll start at the beginning. Growing up in the UK, Halloween was not like it was today. No one really celebrated it, you could buy a pumpkin in the supermarket if you were lucky but they didn't sell Halloween decorations and costumes like they do today. Trick or treating definitely wasn't a thing when I was a child. Even when it did become a thing, I certainly wasn't allowed to take part. Trick or treating was begging, my mum told me, and that was wrong.

She had a point. It seemed a strange thing to tell your kids not to accept sweets from strangers and then all of a sudden knock on a load of strangers' doors and ask them for sweets. Very bizarre. I can remember one year, my best friend from school wanting to go round the village where she lived and both of our parents refused immediately. We didn't have a leg to stand on.

My earliest memory of Halloween was one year when I was younger. I'm not sure how old I was, but there might have been some spooky film on the TV. We bought a small bag of sweets to have in the house just in case anyone came round. Not many people did. Maybe 2 or 3 kids and then that was it. I sat on my own writing that night. Inspired by my love of Harry Potter, magic was already in my life from an early age. Magic was real to me. It still is, to some extent. Magic is Christmas. Magic is also Halloween though. So I sat and wrote a load of short stories about some ghosts and witches that went to a ghost/witch school. Does that sound familiar to anyone? I love writing. I don't do it nearly as much as I would like, but as a kid I had more freedom and a strong imagination. I wrote stories all the time. These stories I wrote that one Halloween night were some of my favourites. I've looked for them ever since and never been able to find them.

Another Halloween memory was one memorable day at school when they let us dress up for it. I chose to be Hermione, of course and rented this full on Halloween witch costume from our local fancy dress shop. I fell in love with the witch's hat in particular, and for some reason the shop owner very kindly let me keep it. That day at school there was a Harry Potter themed quiz. I came first place in the whole school. It was probably one of my favourite school days. Winning that book voucher felt so damn good. If I ever go on Mastermind, you know what my specialist subject will be.

Another school Halloween memory was the day we finished for half term one year. I have this really fond memory that it was parents evening and my friends and I were all watching Hocus Pocus - my ALL TIME favourite Halloween movie. In my mind, it's a really warm, happy memory. I went to a boarding school so everyone was excited to be going home for the week. I wasn't a boarder back then but I was still enjoying the extra half day off school, sat in the common room, watching Hocus Pocus. We were all waiting for our parents to be done with parents evening, I think, and so one by one, people left. I was one of the last ones left. It was just a really great day.

Eventually, as I grew up, people started to go trick or treating more and more. I sadly became too old to go myself, but luckily, one of my best friends knew some younger kids from next door and so I used to tag along with them going trick or treating. I would never accept sweets of course, because I was too old but it was just so much fun going and dressing up and just having a great time. I finally got to experience it.

The one thing that really makes a difference however, is a beautiful, magical place in Lancashire called Pendle Hill. You may have heard about it as it was very famous for witch trials back in the 17th Century. Luckily, my dad comes from this neck of the woods and I feel very at home here whenever I go up and visit. It's uncanny how comfortable the place is for me. Spooky, even. We used to go and visit my family around Christmas and the new year and every time we would venture out up to Pendle Hill and I fell completely in love with it. Especially as there is a fantastic little shop there called Witches Galore where  you can buy all sorts of Halloween/witch/spiritual related items. It is my favourite shop in the whole world and I go there and spend a fortune every time I'm in Lancashire. One of my family members (not a blood relation but still) even says she is a descendent of one of the most famous Pendle witches. There used to be 3 statues of witches outside the shop which have since disappeared but they were also favourites of mine.

I'd almost forgotten another favourite Halloween memory. This was a long time ago when I was a child and I was up in Lancashire visiting family. My aunt used to be a teacher and although it was half term for me, the schools had a different half term week up north and so she was still teaching. She took me into her class one day and they were making paper bats so I got to join in on that. It was surreal, but fun. I can remember the kids in the school were allowed to eat sweets in class and I was completely astounded and shocked. We would never have been allowed to at our school!

Anyway, with Halloween fast approaching, there was a reason why I wanted to sit and think and remember all these memories and write them down. Particularly as this year is a decade ago since the most famous Halloween of them all. I even wrote a song about it once. My closest friends will know this story because this is the one that changed Halloween for me forever. Flashback to 10 years ago when I had just started university. Life was great. I finally had independence and freedom and I was starting over again in a completely fresh, new place with fresh, new friends. University was all I had dreamed of for ages and it was living up to its expectations.

Two of my university friends were engaged at the time and they were throwing a very, very small Halloween party for six of us. At the last minute, one of our friends dropped out and I guess it didn't feel like a party with five people so they got a replacement. This is how I met my first boyfriend. At a Halloween party.

So now you know why Halloween means much more to me than just pumpkins and dressing up and trick or treating. Without going into details, I had my first kiss that night and to be honest, that year was the year I really began to grow up, find myself. It was the best year of my life.

I love Halloween, I always have done and I always will. I'm always going to be a big kid at heart. I love magic and witches and spooky stories. And I love tradition and history and the spiritual side as well. It's not just a stupid day where people throw eggs at your house or jump out and scare you. For me, it's not that at all. It's a day you can celebrate. This Halloween, I'm going to remember all of it: the good, the bad, the love and the magic. It was all part of my life and it always will be.

Happy Halloween!
x

A poem that doesn't rhyme

Remember when we were young?
Everything felt so easy didn't it?
Perfect, happy, brilliant and most of all,
Everything was okay.
The best days were those when nothing mattered,
No one cared what clothes you were wearing,
No one cared what was on the news that day,
No one cared about money
Or about anything really.
No one cared.
Things were quiet and I could still feel the wind whistling through the trees around me.
I could still hear the birds sometimes.
But do you remember?

Can you still smell the mustiness of the autumn leaves,
And smoke from the fires,
And the baking of those cakes?
Would you say everything was better when we laughed,
Outside, not trapped or confined.
We were free as we roamed the world,
Fearless and free,
We were happier, then.
The world was open and welcoming,
And we wanted all of it.
We wanted the sun and we wanted the moon and the stars.
All at once, all of the time.
Can we still have them?

Do you know how it felt when we looked up at the sky?
Or we ran round in circles, dreaming.
And do you know how much I cared
About everything. And everyone.
Did you think we would be young forever?
Did you think that our lives were planned out,
That we had it all worked out,
And there were no surprises left.
Nothing that would hurt us, or trouble us.
Nothing that would stop us.
And we flew through the streets every day, soaring and tumbling.
We never stopped flying.
Did you lose it all too?

Can you believe it all happened so fast?
Times have changed since that last year,
We take it one day at a time now,
One step, carefully and cautiously, trying to pick up the pieces as we go.
So we hold our hearts in our hands,
And we sing the songs of the past,
Listening to the memories in the darkness.
It's peaceful but alarming at the same time.
And those chilling, dark shadows that appear at my window,
They never give up and they surround my soul, taking everything.
So I remind them of the birds and of the trees and the stars
And I send them home smiling.
At least I think they're smiling.